“Sunsets are proof that endings can often be beautiful too.”*

2016 is gone. Everybody seems to say that it has gone in the blink of an eye. And I couldn’t agree more. It feels good to know that I’m not the only one who thinks that. It was like a year of holding breath, numbness, waiting…enduring.  Almost giving up dreams, hopes, resignation.

And the weird thing is, that I still got high hopes for 2017. I am kind of excited for 2017… The opportunities are endless.

Sometimes I wish my life would be a little more boring. A little more normal and less dramatic. I wish that I could forget about the things that happened for just a second and believe that there is no darkness in the night...

But I have come to embrace that this is my life. Sometimes I hate it and sometimes I am so thankful that God has blessed me with simply being ok with me and him and now.

I kind of get why people rather wanna live in illusions rather than facing truth and reality. Our system comforts us and we wanna feel save even if it lacks truth and costs authenticity.

Sometimes I wish I could forget everything and just believe it. Forget who I am. But it hurts my heart to think how cruel and misunderstanding this thought is towards myself. It is basically saying, that there is no truth and hope for the dark places in my heart, my past, my feelings. And that is not the truth. Truth is always accompanied by peace and clarity. It is a person, not knowledge. It is Jesus. Where there is darkness, light shines even brighter. It is hard to believe that when your present situation is the only reality you see. And I do not have a solution yet. I am just starting to feel that… maybe…just maybe…everything people say about God …and how they represent him …has nothing to do with how he really is…. And maybe …just maybe all my dreams and hopes were born in him… I really hope that 2017 is a year of change… and of wonder… a year of hope and rain after a long dry season. Not just for me ….  For you …? For anyone who feels like there is no hope left and feels like their dreams are about to be shattered forever.

Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you| Psalms 139,12

Where there is no one who understands, where poor tips, half „truths“ and stupid comments have silenced your heart and you’ve sworn yourself to never entrust your heart to anyone ever again… where pain finds no words and numbness has frozen your feelings…. where you feel like everything stopped the moment you started to believe others more than yourself… your own heart… his small voice in your heart…

I just want to let you know that… I get that…  A good friend is someone who is able to just sit with you and endure this period of not having any answers. Who accepts that there is nothing we can do about it but wait. Saying nothing is not easy. It means accepting that things are out of your control and we are dependent on someone who is and maybe…just maybe ….this is not a bad thing at all…

Tolkien writes…

We found ourselves looking upon a familiar sight. We were home. How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold| J.R.R. Tolkien

Happy New Year…. to every single one of you… I never thought that I would actually enjoy writing online as much as I do right now... I hope to invest more into blogging in 2017 and finally start a channel on youtube.... it just seems to be the scariest thing ever....but I plan on doing it...

Mel

*Beau Taplin