A NEW YEAR| GOING BACK

I feel like 2017 was a year that really shocked me.... where I really reached my limits and saw how I was reacting to circumstances I've never experienced before . I discovered that  I am not better than others. That we all are a bit lost .  I realized that loving yourself is even harder when you face a version of yourself that is called unlovable self-destruction...

I want to be okey with myself again ... I want to love fearlessly and... be a home . For myself and for others . If this year taught me one thing than it is - if you don’t love yourself , you can not love anyone around you.... loving means leaving the space of fear and facing your own dark parts with grace and understanding ... being a friend for your own soul that believes ... believes that your hurt is as real as you feel it is. That your anger is there because someone hurt you, even if they don’t admit it .

Loving means touching the broken parts of your heart with tenderness and protecting them while they are healing like a loving friend . I don’t wanna strive for perfection and improvement anymore . I want to be a person that loves people as they truly are ... not just the good parts of them ... right here ... right now ...Starting with me . 

If you stop running.... you will have to face the same decision you were running from, the same hurt you never grieved about, the same anger you never dealt with, the same feelings you left when you took off. Sooner or later reality will catch up and ask you one more time if you are willing to let it all in and finally feel it.

"Finally ready now
To close my eyes and just believe
That You won't lead me
Where You don't go

When my faith gets tired
And my hope seems lost
You spin me round and round
And remind me of that song
The one You wrote for me
And we dance

And I will lock eyes
With the One who's ransomed me
The One who gave me joy for mourning
And I will lock eyes
With the One who's chosen me
The One who set my feet to dancing"