I wanted to mean danger.

I wanted to mean danger
in the most innocent ways
scaring your fears to death
while calming a restless breath

with a look in my eyes that unveils every failed attempt of love
as a declaration of lies to your soul.

I wanted to be someone who makes you question
the demons you are fighting
but in the end…
I think I could not be that someone
the person who endlessly waits

And some part of me still thinks
If I would have been more patient
more light-hearted
if I would just have been prettier
more spiritual or honest

If I could have reached your depth
if I just wouldn’t have messed it up
when the color of my voice turned accusing
If I just would have let you go long before 

your name found its place on a  little snippet
in my box of hopes
that I kept close my bed

Maybe you would have seen
Would have looked at me
Maybe your heart would have felt heavy
from the loss of someone
you perceived just as precious as I wished I could have felt
maybe it does...

If I could have just known if my absence was a burden
I would have wanted it not to be

I wonder when it happened
When my words locked yours
and every initiative felt like a holding back
when time asked for more than an outlook
and my heart for more than a chance