THE IN-BETWEEN| you never chose yourself

I feel like everything fades away. We were again too close to almost . And just as i started to realize you were real , you slipped through my fingers . I never had you . You were always the in-between-state of uncertainty and not leaving. Sometimes it feels like this is all about wrong timing. But then again...  I know that I’m not able to hold on any longer . After those years you simply should have known . You should have known that you coming back would mean that you should have made a decision to be someone reliable in this story of ours. Maybe you chose me for the future and not for the here and now.

You chose me in another dimension, in another time where you see yourself being ready. Ready to hold a soul. But in this world ... we are on hold. 

Maybe you are waiting for those two worlds to collide and you are hoping you wouldn’t lose me until then. 

I see you. I see that you’re struggling, I can see it in your eyes like I also see the way you look at me with certainty. 

I know if you would have to decide someday ... it would be me. But not now. Not here.

Maybe you are not quite ready because you never chose yourself. You never chose a love that protects your heart for yourself and now you are here. Not ready to hold a heart, yet still scared to let go of what we could be. Waiting for those worlds to collide.