Where I was most lost.

I found myself in all the places, I was most lost. -ekp-

Hardships only happen to change something deep in our character. Deeper as in beyond our control. 

You were ready to trade Egypt for reality but hope turned dark and you feel like you should never have prayed for more than a shallow life. I reached point desert a long time ago. And without water, the truth looks blurry and far too often too wrong.  Like it is not applicable to my situation anymore. Is this desert or prison... am I in a storm that is in control or is this a dead end, red sea, did you bring us out here to drown? Darkness looks so scary when you step to the edge of self and if God does not hold -you will crash into hell.

Are you going deeper or getting lost?  Did you missed the point of no return or is this somehow a part of sanctification from lies you do not even consider to be wrong.

With all those voices and all those opinions around me. I just know, there is a part inside of me that knows that it is all a lies. That you will make sense in the end.  That there is no darkness in the night. And that I will find myself again. And I won't return to the person I was. 

I will find a new part of me that was lost far too long in the darkness I am facing right now.
You are bringing me home, and there is not one thought, one fight or one breath that is out of your control.   

Storm, a song by Lifehouse on Spotify

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes

I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I could see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright