Almosts.

 
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some days feel like I can forget how it felt to be held by you
where I don't remember the look in your eyes when you took my hand and shared a piece of your precious heart with me. My heart is heavy, my mind is busy. And just when I thought I could make myself forget, the feelings rush back in waves.


when I least expect it
they crash down on me,
releasing the grieve,  the ever-present feeling of your absence
they keep me save
flush my heart and burn my breath
chase me into peace
 

there was never anyone else who came even close to what you meant to me
not a heart that I cherish like yours
not a soul my heart is refusing to end waiting for
except yours

 

you were the only exception
and days like this leave me wondering
about the what-ifs
the could-haves...
when the smell of your perfume leaves a lump in my throat
and flushes my mind with regret

regret about a dishonest goodbye
a forced letting go
oh if you could have seen my eyes
you would have seen that they had no intention of giving up

and then it hits me
in the silence of the fall
how could I love
how could I fall
if you can not hold
be warmed if your silence is cold
in the presence of your absence, I realize                 

that half-committed is not a part  of love
where your eyes show half-care
half-carry my love
half-invested just enough
where you keep me at arm length

keep my heart torn between dreams and memories


you left a mark too deep to forget
we came to close to almost
and as I am letting you go as I am supposed to

I close my eyes
the smell of your perfume leaves a lump in my throat
and flushes my mind with regret

your words echo in my ears
as you slide right back into the depth of my heart

I miss you.