Make myself forget.

It still feels like a bad dream to me
our goodbye like a missed punchline

all the time spent waiting
hoping and wondering
all the days spent doubting

I tried so many times to awake myself
to push my heart back into reality
but reality feels like a lie without you
a tapping into a grey world of half okays
where I am barely hanging on to a hope
that is still drenched with the color of your voice

I tried so hard to quell it…
keeping my feelings under control
channeling them into  learning lessons
to prevent the grieve I feel over the years I poured into faith

stories can’t be controlled
emotions are vast
and they rush back
when I hear myself wishing
for the hand that holds mine to be yours

-

they say that love is a drug
and breakups withdrawals
and goodbyes a new start
for a heart when it howls

the turning from poison
the freeing of breath
if erasing is an antidote
why does it bear death?

while poison numbs truth
and covers deep pain
your presence meant life
and light in my veins

-

I haven’t really cried about it…
spent days numb in brokenness
and through the cracks it sometimes greets me-
the loss of someone who came with the tenderness of dreams

a world of believe, a window 

If every encounter has a reason
I surely missed yours…
It can’t be anything else but to remind me of your absence in everyone else I meet.